Want to Reach Nirvana? Try a Colonoscopy.

[Zorro]

For many of us, a colonoscopy is a distant inevitable horror, like the heat death of the universe. It will occur, and it will be terrible — but we don’t really have to worry because we won’t be around to see it. Whoever happens to exist on that hypothetical day will, by definition, be someone else: ancient, wrinkly, alien, stardust. (The typical recommended age, 45, is basically unimaginable to anyone under 40.) The best we can do is wish our future self luck.

Well, I am writing today from that future — from the other side of the impossible divide. And I have come to share amazing news. It turns out that despite everything you’ve heard, getting a colonoscopy is wonderful. It’s the most fun I’ve had since the sunniest summer days of my childhood. I would like everyone to experience this bliss as often as possible.

You are skeptical. I can see it in your face. Allow me to explain.

First, let me clarify. I am not recommending colonoscopies solely for health reasons — to screen for cancer or Crohn’s disease or the other secret slimy dangers that might be lurking in your guts. That is extremely important, obviously, and it is the reason you will make the appointment.

But it is not the reason to love your colonoscopy. You don’t go on a religious pilgrimage to fulfill the step goal on your Fitbit; you don’t listen to Bach fugues because their clockwork precision might make you better at algebra. You do it for the joy of the experience itself — because it makes you feel human and alive. This is also why we get a colonoscopy.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/27/magazine/colonoscopy.html?unlocked_article_code=1.HlA.DUxj.yrO1BvTjPzCQ&smid=url-share

[DavidDvorkin]

1. I've had colonoscopies, and there was nothing special about them

Either terrible or wonderful.

[AloeVera]

2. That's odd. You did not experience this?:

The last thing I remember is someone slipping a mask over my face and telling me to inhale a chemical fog. Immediately, I was Rip Van Winkled. I fell into an oceanic unconsciousness — did a high dive into eternity, circled the solar system infinite times, breathed the breath of my ancestors, became everything and nothing.

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

4. Likewise

[Skittles]

6. I don't get the angst over them at all

not being able to eat for a while sucks but jeez, it's not that bad

[DavidDvorkin]

7. Not eating and the powerful laxative

Those are the only unpleasant aspects.

[mahatmakanejeeves]

3. That's enough internet for today.

[CTyankee]

5. I can't stop laughing at that! Perfect!

[MustLoveBeagles]

8. A perfect GIF