He just told me that he is feeling su*****al.

[OldBaldy1701E]

My husband... the only person I have in my life... the only person who will stand near me for longer than ten seconds...

Just told me that he is majorly depressed and feeling like he wants it all to end.

He has never said anything like that to me before. Not to mention, his declaration that the last year was one of the most difficult in his life really hurts, as I was there as well.

I guess I don't count anymore. I kind of figured that anyway.

The one person who I have tried and tried not to dump on, tried not to incite, and loved more than anything... doesn't see anything in me that might help him.

Oh well...

[Easterncedar]

1. Depression is a beast

Please try not to hear this cry of despair as devaluing you. He is after all talking. To you.

[OldBaldy1701E]

7. No, he replied to me when I asked him why he was acting like he was so pissed at me.

He has been a taciturn bear for the past few weeks, and I had hoped that this relief that you all so generously gave us would help his mood. If anything, he seems even more down. He told me that and he has not said a word to me since.

When I fail, I fail spectacularly. In every way.

And, just as I was typing the above, he came in and said that he was trying to hold it together. I told him how it hurts that he feels like he can't talk to me, that he has to walk away rather than come to my arms. He just kind of nodded and went back to bed. He has to be up at 4 a.m., you see. To go do something he doesn't want to do because that is the only thing either of us can do. Just as I have had to beg for money while feeling like I just ate a shit sandwich.

I warned him. He proposed, I replied that it would be the biggest mistake of his life, before I said yes.

Now, he knows, I guess. I feel so empty.

[Ocelot II]

2. It's not about you. Depression is a disease, and other people don't cause or contribute to it

and aren't responsible for it. You are no more the cause of it than you would be the cause of diabetes or cancer if he had that. Do not take it personally. Just stick with him, try to get him professional help, but don't make it your burden or your fault or a sign that he doesn't care for you. Depression doesn't work that way.

[OldBaldy1701E]

8. Hehe... I have tried to get myself 'professional help' for years.

I doubt it will suddenly become available now.

Of course, he is still a 'part of the machine', so they might do something for him. They wrote me off years ago.

[TommyT139]

3. Please permit me a different interpretation?

Last edited Sat Jul 4, 2026, 08:43 PM - Edit history (3)

It sounds like you both are in a lot of pain, both separately and together. Know that we DU'ers reading your post this evening wish you all well.

May I give a stranger's take on what you've shared. For basic context, I am also gay, and longtime partnered, although not married, and we both got our bachelors on typewriters.

----
Adding more info: in general, I agree with what others have said -- he is saying what he feels, and saying something difficult to you because you are so important to him. This (to me) is a big sign of trust and love. You might not be as able to see this clearly, because your own feelings are getting in the way -- as if you are wearing blurry goggles. That is totally understandable, given what you've said in other posts. Our own pains can make it hard to be present for our partners.

That said, if you feel that he is in crisis, and that he might harm himself (or you, but you didn't say anything to make me worried about that), please keep this info with you. Copy and paste it into a contact on your phone, or save it as a clickable note. This is how to get help where you are (going by your profile):

In Minneapolis, the best mental health crisis team depends on the nature of the emergency. For immediate, unarmed response to non-violent behavioral emergencies, call 911 and ask for the city’s Behavioral Crisis Response (BCR).
Dispatched via 911, this unarmed team is operated by the city and Canopy Roots. They are sent for low-level, non-violent mental health crises to provide trauma-informed de-escalation and connect individuals with community resources.

This is the non-emergency number for the Crisis Response Team: 612-348-2345.

Links to those services:
https://www.minneapolismn.gov/government/departments/community-safety/work/alternatives-police-response/behavioral-crisis-response-teams/
https://www.canopyrootsmn.com/crisis-response

Given that this is a holiday weekend, please do not hesitate to call 911.

[OldBaldy1701E]

9. Thank you for the information. (n/t)

[Keepthesoulalive]

4. I know it's painful

But understand he cannot see or hear you. I’m sure you mean the world to him but the depression is clouding his head and judgment. Please try and get help for him. He loves you enough to ask for help and understanding. Please find a way to get him the professional help he needs.

[OldBaldy1701E]

10. Both of us need help desperately.

There just is not any for anyone below a certain socioeconomic range. It is too expensive and too convoluted, and that is on purpose.

So, as usual, we are on our own. I just keep on coming back to that great line from 'The Princess Bride'...

"Life is pain! Anyone who says differently is selling something."

[Keepthesoulalive]

13. I understand

But with all of the pain you are experiencing please remember he loves you and has stood by you. I remember when he needed work shoes and you reached out for help. I wish we could do more than give good wishes, at this point that is all we have to offer. Mental health care is difficult to find even with insurance because even they are overwhelmed.

[Lochloosa]

5. If I may...

Calling 988 connects you to a free, confidential, 24/7 lifeline for mental health, substance use, and suicide crises. You are routed to a trained counselor who listens without judgment, provides emotional support, helps de-escalate the situation, and connects you to local resources.

[OldBaldy1701E]

11. I don't feel like going through the last three times I tried that line.

But, I can tell you that, the last time, I was cussed out and told that the people there are doing what they do to help actual people who need help, because my black mood killed their ability to just toss out a few flowery phrases that would get me to change my entire outlook on life.

However, I do plan to keep it in mind. He is going to bed now, and I doubt he will do anything.

[dixiegrrrrl]

6. Are you in a state that can provide emergency help for suicidal people?

Take his comments seriously. At a minimum the Police can get a mental health professional to
talk with your husband. I am a retired MH professional and it was my job to evaluate such people.
Never ignore people who talk of suicide.

[OldBaldy1701E]

12. I do take his comments seriously.

As seriously as I take my own thoughts along those lines.

If I call the police, we will be kicked out of this building because they do not like it when the police get called to their buildings. One can say what they want about the situation, but this is what we could afford and we sacrificed a lot just to be able to move in here. There is no where else for us to go. (Well, my husband could probably go live with my mother, since he has no family other than one estranged sister, and she loves him. No one will take me in. Especially her.)

I will be watching him for tonight. I am so freaked out now that I doubt I will get any sleep tonight. Not that I have been sleeping worth a shit these days anyway.